Legal Rip Off Artists

I've been told I've been negligent in posting, however I have a very good reason...my computer croaked. Insert extreme sniffling here, just remembering causes that reaction. Aaahhh, my lovely little Alien had to be seen by Doctor Fred. I heard he was one of the best and he is. You don't know about my computer but I'll save that story for another day. This little rant is about my bank.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away (from some of you anyway) Commerce Bank came to Pennsylvania. Commerce Bank, the world's most convenient bank was here! Woohoo! Open seven days a week, open early, open late, telephones answered by real live human beings! Lickety split I opened both a checking and a saving account; I even got a debit and a credit card. I didn't have to worry about ATM fees, didn't have to pay for my checks, there was no limit on the number of times I could use an ATM or on the number of checks I could write. The credit card had no fees. The checking account even earned interest! It was...well...heaven. I even won a raffle for a bag full of goodies for Superbowl Sunday! HA! Me! Imagine that! I never win anything! Ahhh yes...life was good. I was so happy with the bank and their service that I later went back and opened a Young Savers Account for my daughter.

I married but hadn't put my wife's name on the bank accounts. It was no problem for Commerce. You see, like most banks, they didn't care who put money into the account, just who took it out. So my wife's checks would be signed over to me, I'd sign them and they'd be deposited into the account. Either she'd drop off the deposit or I would...didn't matter to Commerce. You know, I even liked their logo...blue and red...that giant "C". I thought it was pretty cool lookin'. Yes indeedy, the world's most convenient bank. Friendly too.

Then one day, unexpectedly, the world changed...and not for the better. Commerce became TD Bank. Who the hell was TD Bank anyway? I'd never heard of them. We Commerce account holders were all told the only thing that would change was the name. The systems, the service, the hours...all would remain the same. And they did...for awhile.

Then one day my wife told me she'd gone to deposit her paycheck but was told she couldn't as her name wasn't on the account. What?!!...this was a deposit...hellooooo! So I took it and the next day swung by the bank myself. Guess what happened. Despite the fact that she'd endorsed the check, signed it over to me and I'd endorsed it...I was not permitted to deposit it because...you won't believe this...she wasn't with me! WTF? I was stunned. I stood there at the counter, jaw hanging around my knees and just... blinked. Repeatedly. Coming out of my TD induced coma, I was then about to go into cardiac arrest because the teller proceeded to tell me that I'd have to bring my wife to the bank with me so she could sign a paper indicating she wasn't under any kind of duress to deposit her check into my account. And this wasn't a situation where it would be done once and the paper put on file. Noooo. This paper signing would have to be done EVERY SINGLE TIME!

Needless to say, even though it's not the teller's fault, I told him how the bank had gone from being the most convenient to the most INconvenient bank. Fuming, I left and drove less than a tenth of a mile down the street to Harleysville Bank. I sat with Aura, the customer service rep, and found that they didn't care who put money into the account. Apparently Frankenstein could make a deposit but only I could make the withdraw. That was fine with me. Sign...me...up! Unfortunately, I couldn't just close the TD account. You see, I was unemployed at the time, having been laid off to become yet another casualty of the great recession. Henceforth, I was receiving unemployment compensation which was being direct deposited into the TD account. I figured between banking and the government, trying to change where the unemployment checks went could only spell disaster. That's the only reason the stupid account was maintained.

Fast forward. I finally get a job but now I'm just being lazy. I already had the online bill pay set up with TD, Vonage was taking their monthly cut from the account automatically...ahhh, what a pain in the butt to have to redo all that crap. It became one of those, I'll get around to it situations. Then one day I get a phone call from Harleysville to confirm some transactions they felt were "unusual". For the most part, I used the Harleysville account to pay the mortgage and that was it. Rarely did I ever use it for anything else. Just a few days before the call though, I had used the debit card for gas at Wawa and presumed that's what they were questioning. Nope. Here's how the conversation went...

BANK - "First there's a $4.99 charge for Lucky Seven."


ME (sounding ever so surprised but intelligent nonetheless) - "Huh?"


BANK - "Then there's $1.99 for mycredithealth.com."


ME (again the intelligence shines through) - "Wha...?"


BANK - "And last, there's a Western Union wire transfer for $987."


ME - (note my incredible restraint and calm demeanor in this crisis situation) - "WHAT THE HELL?! THERE ISN'T EVEN THAT MUCH IN THE F*****G ACCOUNT! THERE'S ONLY $600!"


BANK - "I take it Mr. Barnes, these are not your transactions."


Then it hits me.


ME - "Wait a minute. You mean to tell me someone used MY money to check THEIR credit?"


I was told what steps to take to rectify the situation, I took them and Harleysville returned the money. Whew! Just missed the bullet on that one. How someone got my card info I'll never know. Usually if I make a purchase with it, be it in a store or online, it's the TD account not the Harleysville. Humm. Let's think about this for a moment. Someone got the information on a card I don't use but not on the one I "do" use? I went online and checked my account with TD. And it just gave me yet another reason to hate TD bank. Yes, that account had gotten hacked too. I reported it and weeks later, got a letter from TD stating nothing could be proven and my money would therefore, NOT be returned. Amazing. Luckily it wasn't for much but that's not the point. They never called, they didn't do anything for their customer. Hell, with Harleysville, they followed the money trail and found that the numbnuts who got into my account were from out west and because it was out of state and not that much money (was a buttload to me!) there'd be no prosecution. Still, Harleysville had the best interests of their customer in mind, unlike TD.

Ok, so now I'm ready to close the account. Well, I was at that moment. Then life intervened and it got put on the back burner again. Now, I must tell you that the savings account I opened at Commerce, had no fees provided I kept at least $100 in it. That's why I opened that one. Recently I was clearing up paperwork, filing paid bills, receipts and bank statements. That's when I actually looked at one of the savings account statements. And what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a $4.00 monthly maintenance fee. HUH? Since when? I started looking back. Seems that for months I've been getting charged this fee because I don't have a minimum of $250.00 in the account. Whooaaa Nelly! That's NOT the account I opened. I yanked the phone from the cradle and punched in the number for TDB...not TD Bank...Too Damn Bad. That's pretty much what I was told AFTER being on hold for almost 8 minutes BEFORE getting to hear a NON-recorded voice! Apparently, in it's infinite banking wisdom and attempt to screw the little guy, TD CHANGED the kind of savings account I had without asking, without notification, without even a 'sorry you're screwed'. THEY, changed MY account! I just cannot get over this one! NOW I'll end my relationship with TD Bank...well, once the check my daughter got for babysitting clears. THEN I'll close every damn account and they can kiss my lily white backside because Harleysville is the only bank I'll be using in the future.

Apparently the banking gods are angry with me for some unknown reason. In the mail I just received a large white envelope from First Niagara, a bank of which I've never heard. On the outside of the envelope is a message that reads...PLEASE OPEN PROMPTLY! IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT THE CONVERSION OF HARLEYSVILLE NATIONAL BANK AND EAST PENN BANK TO FIRST NIAGARA.

I can't win for losin'.