Murphy Sucks

Good evening and welcome to my Rant of the day. On today's menu I have a lovely serving of ire aimed at someone we all know and hate. Murphy. Not Murphy as in Murphy Brown or Eddie Murphy but Murphy as in...Murphy's Law.

I have to tell you, I'm sick to death of this irritating little guy. Most people only have to deal with him on occasion. I, on the other hand, am oohhh so fortunate as to have this apostle of Satan actually living with me! While, I've never actually seen him, I know he's around because he throws monkey wrenches into everything I do.

I truly believe the old adage about Murphy's Law was coined by none other than the little weasel himself. You know the one...whatever can go wrong will and at the worst possible time.

In January of this year I was laid off from my job and have yet to find another. It's ugly out there folks and it's at this emotionally and financially fragile time in my life that rotten ol' Murph makes his existence known. Let me give you an example of his "helpful" interventions.

I have a lot of yard to mow and for that purpose, I have a lawn tractor. This spring I got it out of the shed, gassed it up and checked the oil. Low. Huumm. Where did the oil go? A shrug of my shoulders and a few glugs of oil later and I was mowing away. It wasn't until I started to drive the tractor back into the shed that I noticed the large, black spot on the raised wood floor. Yuppers, there, was the missing oil. I gave the tractor a good eyeballing and wouldn't you know it, there's a leak on one side! Oil's been sprayed out all over the place. And is it an easy fix? Nope. It's the gasket at the bottom of the engine, therefore necessitating the removal of the entire motor and at a price I currently cannot afford. My service guy said I could keep adding oil but that eventually the oil would destroy the rubber belts that turn the blades and the transmission. I've replaced them in years past and they are not cheap. Soooo, all season long I've been holding my breath and only mowing when I absolutely must. I've got it down to a science now. Once half the yard's mowed I top off the oil and finish the other half. The last thing I want to do is seize the engine.

Now here's where Murphy really started using underhanded tactics. He enlisted Mother Nature to aid him in his attempt to thwart my property maintenance endeavors! This has been one of the wettest spring/summer seasons we've seen in Pennsyl-tucky (I'll explain Pennsyl-tucky in a later post) in decades! I understand that April showers bring May flowers...but who wants a huge wooden ship in their yard? Sorry about that. Seriously though, I know rain is good, it's needed for crops, livestock and water tables. I have a well, rain keeps it from going dry and leaving me without water. But come on! There was only one stinking day in all of June that it didn't rain! At one point there was so much water laying atop the ground in my front yard that I thought the well had overflowed! Folks, when frogs come out of the marsh near the pond and take their chances dodging tires on the road, you know it's rained too much. I'm sure I saw one frog with a life vest and pontoons! Even the birds had water wings.

And the result of all that rain and the subsequent heat spells? You guessed it...the grass exploded! It would rain Monday and Tuesday then, because the grass was already so high, take Wednesday, Thursday and Friday to dry enough to mow. Saturday I'd mow in the sweltering heat and humidity and Sunday it would rain again. Personally, I believe the grass was on steroids. Hushed voices whispered up to me from the green depths, "We'll be back." I've now named my lawn...Arnold. I swear, not two full days after I mowed, the yard looked as if I'd been away for a month and hadn't cared enough to hire a neighbor kid to mow in my absence.

If you'll remember I previously stated I was trying to mow only when necessary. HA! Could this season have been like the previous, when I had a job and there was little rain so I only mowed every two or three weeks? Nooooo. On more than one occasion I let the grass get much taller than usual and when I could no longer put it off, raised the blades higher to keep the grass from clogging the chute and stalling out the tractor.

It's now the middle of September. I thought we might have an Indian Summer and shuddered to think of the additional mowing that extension of summer would mean. But the temperature has dramatically dropped. It would seem that Murphy has ticked off Mother Nature and their collusion has come to an end. I'm greatly relieved. After Murphy's interference this evening, I need a break. What happened this evening you ask? Ahhh well...I'll save that for another time. My blood pressure can only go so high. Besides, I need to put my brain to another task...how to charge Murphy rent.

Good night Gracie.

OOPS!

I can't believe it! My first published post and there's a freakin' typo!! I used spell check but apparently it's as inattentative as me. In the second paragraph, Fpr should be For. Sorry. I'll do better next time. Promise. Goes to bed muttering under his breath and shaking his head at himself.

I thought I'd try my hand at writing again but there's a problem. It's an annoying little sound that won't go away. This is driving me crazy! Each tap of fingers on keys is accompanied by this quietly haunting melody. Is it my keyboard? Pokes at a couple keys with the tip of his index finger. Perhaps it needs to be oiled. Do keyboards ever need oiling? I've never heard of such a thing but then, this is me and weird things happen to me. Naaah, can't be that. Maybe there's something stuck between the keys? Picks up the keyboard, turns it upside down and tries to shake the crap out of it. Ok, maybe one or two keys but not all of them! Puts the keyboard down just a wee bit harder than necessary. What is that infernal little noise?! Oh wait. I think I figured it out. It's not the keys, it's the fingers pressing them. Arthritis? Well, my fingers do ache from time to time. Humph! Arthritis my as...hold everything! I've been away from the keys for quite some time. It...it can't be! Ahhh, but it is. Rust. The sound I hear is the creaking of joints rusted by the lack of use. A good hand massage with WD-40 should do the trick.



I'm glad I got that sorted out, but I seem to have run into another problem. As time passes and you get accustomed to my life, you'll see that nothing is ever uncomplicated. This new wrinkle just happens to be...cobwebs. Taps the side of his skull with a finger. Up here. I'm sitting before this empty composition box with an equally empty brain. Seems the old adage is true. If you don't use it, you lose it. Ohhh Lordy, I'm one lost pup. Ahh well, let's just consider this post an exercise for mind and fingers...an attempt to clear away cobwebs from withered gray matter and reddish brown rust from digit joints. Fpr anyone foolish enough to read this, perhaps it's best I tell you a bit about myself.

I'm cranky but still able to laugh at myself, I believe people in general take themselves far too seriously and have forgotten the value of laughing at oneself, I'm opinionated and set in my ways...which is a nice way of saying stubborn. All too frequently I'm a cynic and I've always had the problem of wearing my heart on my sleeve. I'm often far too much of an open book, sometimes to the chagrin of those around me. Once upon a time I was heavily involved with the world of online role play. Through the cooperative writing with others who invented characters and storylines with me, I became a half decent writer...or so I've been told. We shall all see if I retained any of that ability over my long hiatus from the ol' plastic keys.

What do I hope to accomplish with this blog? Huumm...glad you, I mean, "I" asked. I'd like to get some things off my chest, share my never-to-be-humble opinions with the world, get a few of you to laugh...or at least crack a grin and perhaps, just perhaps, open some eyes and make some folks think.

That's it. Now you know a little about me and why I'm taking up perfectly good cyber space with my idiotic little Rants and Raves. Stay tuned, more will come but it's late and my Tylenol PM is kicking in.

Goodnight Gracie.