For Whom Is The Service?

Today I attended a funeral service at a church. This church happened to be for those of the Catholic faith, but what transpired is something I've noticed at churches of other denominations too. When one passes away and a service is held, I feel we should be hearing about the dearly departed more than anything or anyone else. I mean, the service is for them...right? Wrong. At least, from my possibly twisted perspective anyway. Before I continue, perhaps I should preface what I'm about to say with a little history.

I'm Methodist...or I'm supposed to be. When I was little I attended Sunday School. When I was a little older I went to church services. Luckily, my parents weren't big church goers and my mother, who was the one to take my brothers and me, was happy to be able to sleep in at least one day a week. She made sure we got the fundamentals so later in life would could build upon them should we so choose. Rest assured, Mom made sure we knew the Ten Commandments, knew right from wrong and had morals. Oh sure...like many, I went through my agnostic stage, but like most, as I got older, I found I do have a spiritual side. But one thing that never changed and probably never will, is that I don't care for proselytizing. I believe in God and Jesus Christ, but I also know that I'd rather worship God by being around what He made...trees, fields, flowers. A church is a building constructed by man. Every Sunday the supposedly faithful gather to sing the Lord's praises and the church officers pass the plate to fill the coffers. I can't tell you how many times I've wished they'd just be honest and announce that they're aiming for $20 a head. Maybe they could charge admission at the door. Then the next thing you know, these wonderful church goers are found to be child molesters, adulterers, liars and thieves. Yes, I know there are many good people who attend church and wonderful works done on behalf of countless people by churches. Have a few bad apples spoiled the whole barrel? Investigations into allegations made against umpteen dozen so called 'holy men' show it's more than a few. I just feel much better talking to God myself, trying to treat people well and keeping those Commandments in my heart.

Now I'll return to the subject at hand. Every time I've attended a funeral service held in a church, today being no different, the priest/minister/reverend/whomever, spends all his time talking and reading about faith, God's endless love and kindness, His sacrifice of His only Son...wait a minute! I already know Christ died for our sins but the service isn't for Christ. He's not the deceased we're gathered to mourn and to whom we're paying our respects. Why does the actual deceased person get so little mention during these services? My daughter said perhaps the priest didn't know the deceased. I guess she was trying to say it was a generic service...one service fits all. Maybe she's right. But then I have to ask myself...If this guy's supposed to be doing such a good job, why didn't he take the time to speak with relatives and friends of the deceased to get a better understanding of the person so he could speak about the one we've all come to mourn?

The only time I've heard the deceased being the focal point, is when the service is held in a funeral home. It seems that without a "man of the cloth" present, the service actually is for and about the deceased. To me, that's the way it should be. We come together to share our feelings about our loved ones, stories that will touch the heart and hopefully, despite our pain, bring a smile or a little laugh. We gather not only to remember and mourn, but to garner the strength of those around us when our own is faltering. Perhaps we also see those who attend as testament to what we believe...that the deceased was loved by more than just ourselves.